Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dealing with the aftermath..........

This is my first post under my new blog and I hope it is a blessing to those of you who read it. I am writing in the aftermath of one of my, almost three year old, twin boys death. His name is Jackson, or as we call him Jack.

We lost Jack very suddenly on April 17th, 2011 from a basic Strep A infection that went into his blood stream and caused sepsis. It was something that the doctors said could not have been prevented, but that does not lessen the blow of his passing. Jack was literally sick for two days with very benign symptoms that did not indicate any major problem of any sort. It was an absolute shock to everyone when Jack was there one day and then the next we were rushing him to the hospital where less than an hour later he was gone.

We had his memorial service this last Friday, April 29th, 2011 and we are now at the point of having to move ahead with life. This blog is an extension of what more I wanted to say at his memorial service and also a way to continue sharing what God is doing as a result of Jack's passing. I hope that as you read what has been laid on my heart you will allow God to speak to your heart.

I am in utter amazement at what God is doing through Jack's seemingly too short of a life. I sit back everyday and thank God for what He is doing through these heartbreaking circumstances. There are so many emotions that flow through me on a daily basis that it is sometimes hard to keep up with my own emotional roller coaster. One minute I am doing fine and then the next something so small will remind me of Jack, and the fact he is gone, that waves of sadness will engulf me. This is the kind of sadness that unless you have lost a child and have experienced it, it can't really be described. It can be completely overwhelming and debilitating if you let it. It is the kind of sadness and grief that causes lives to fall apart. I really can't adequately describe it other than to say it is one of the worst kinds of sadness.

As I write this though I have a peace that passes all understanding. I miss Jack more than I will ever be able to adequately put into words. Even through this sadness and grief God is holding my wife and I close and changing us through this event. I have been a Christian my whole life, but it wasn't until we lost Jack that I truly learned what it meant to rely on God.

It is very cliche to say I know that I will see Jack again, that is what you hear at all funerals. To most people that don't truly know who Jesus Christ is, saying that they will see a love one again is nice, but it
doesn't really have a lot of real meaning. There are some who may read this and say they don't believe that they will see anyone who has died, because this life we live here on earth is all we get. When it is done, we are done. I say, they could not be more mistaken!

What I want everyone who reads this blog, or hears me speak in the future, to know that I serve a real and tangible God who cares about them. A God who loves each and every person who has ever lived enough to send His only son to die for them on the cross. To give each and every person the opportunity to accept His gift of eternal life.

Some would ask why would I now feel the need to talk about this so bluntly? The reason I have to share this, is because I have a whole different view of eternity now than I ever did before. I know where Jack is beyond a shadow of a doubt! I know that I am going to see my son again and I am going to get the opportunity to hold him once again. Through the loss of our little Jack I have gotten a small glimpse of the kind of love God has for each and every person who walks on the face of this earth. God loves each person with a love that is beyond understanding. You and I cannot fathom the depth of love the God has for us! It is beyond our comprehension to understand it. I know how much I love Jack and I know I would have traded places with him if I could have. That is the same type of love that God has for us and He showed through giving us Jesus to die for our sins.

I cannot share the story of Jack or talk about him without talking about the love that God has for us. Jack's short life and story are completely intertwined with the message of God's love for us. I miss my son more than I can put into words, but I know where Jack is and the absolute perfection that he is now experiencing.

People have asked me, "how is it fair that God would allow an innocent two year old to die, but yet let all these horrible people in the world live?" Every time I have been asked that question it has always been with anger. The answer to that is in the 2 Peter 3:9 where it says,

"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."

In other words God is a God of second chances. He is not willing that any should perish, but that all would have eternal life. The one thing that I take comfort in is that I know where Jack is and I know that he has already attained the gift of eternal life through Jesus. Why should I be angry when I know Jack is with the Father. God is giving those that have not been reconciled with Him through the gift of salvation through Jesus's death on the cross, an opportunity to accept that gift. I can tell you that God is so longsuffering that He gives us chance after chance to come to Him and accept all that He has to offer.

I know Jack's death was not in vain or without a purpose. I cannot adequately express the love that I have for Jack and how much I miss him. What I can say though is if losing my son means that someone who reads this post, or someone who hears Jack's story, comes to the realization of just how much God loves them and puts their faith in Jesus Christ..............then I am okay with needing to walk down this path that God has laid in front of me.

I know this has been somewhat of a long post and I want to thank all of you who have read it. I will be posting a lot more in the coming days. I want to leave you with two passages of scripture that sum up what I believe God is saying right now. God is knocking at many hearts right now and is begging for you to open up and let Him come in to make you truly whole. The question is will you?

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.

John 10:9-16 I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep. 12 But a hireling, he who is not the shepherd, one who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf catches the sheep and scatters them. 13 The hireling flees because he is a hireling and does not care about the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd; I know My sheep, and am known by My own. 15 As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep. 16 And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd.